I have a confession to make: one that will lead my friends to scoff at my immaturity, my husband to roll his eyes, my mother and MIL (and her dermatologist) to admonish me, other, better parents on here to worry about how I’m taking care of my daughter under these circumstances.
Here goes: I love the first sunburn of the season.
I’m writing this sitting at my kitchen table soaked in aloe vera, arms tingling, able to see the tip of my nose as it glows Rudolph-like.
I know it’s bad for me - I know! You do not need to tell me. Please do not write a comment telling me. No one knows more than me that it is bad for me.
When I was a kid, getting sunscreened up by my mother was the only time I actively disliked her. My brothers and I would line up with our arms outstretched, holding our breaths as she sprayed can after can of SPF 75 on us. We’d jump from foot to foot, squealing as the cold air hit our bodies and watching the film of white spread over every inch of exposed skin. The amount of sunscreen this woman went through every summer would astound you. Even upon reflection twenty something years later, I am positive she was trying to choke us for some nefarious reason before sending us out onto the beach/lake/pool/wherever.
To this day, I will not ask her to apply sunscreen on me, even when I’m being responsible and sun safe.
Said mother also is a sun worshipper, with skin that turns the most gorgeous bronze after just fifteen minutes in the sun. Despite the hours and hours I’ve watched this woman drench herself in vitamin D, I don’t recall her ever being sunburned. Frankly, it’s bullshit.
I’m on school holidays this week and Amsterdam is having its first heat wave of the year. On Tuesday, with my daughter in daycare, I grabbed a book and left my house to go read in the sun. I meant to head to a park, but instead passed a café, plopped down and had two glasses of rosé on ice in in the middle of the day, finishing the book A Separation. I was wearing a sweater over a cute shorts set my mother-in-law bought me for my birthday last year, feeling very Nancy Myers chic, but as the sun (and rosé) warmed me the sweater came off. When I got home and looked in the mirror, I saw that the long sleeved v neck shirt I was wearing had given me a funny little tan line. I hadn’t thought the Dutch sun strong enough to do this in April, and was delighted to see this first hint of summer.
On Wednesday, my only set plans were a 4 PM yoga class. I volunteered to drop the Bug off at daycare, and then decided to walk to the American Book Center in the middle of Amsterdam and spend a gift card that I had gotten two years ago for my birthday. It was slightly chilly when I left so I put on workout clothes and my favorite button down, praying it would warm up enough to expose my shoulders to the sun on this 8 km walk. As I meandered past the zoo and through crowds of tourists in the city center, the sun grew stronger and stronger. I had no dog leash to tug, no stroller to push, just me and my audiobook, and it finally got warm enough that I took off the button down. When I get home on Wednesday night, I saw again that a little bit of a tan line from the spaghetti straps, and thank God the V-neck tan was gone.
And then Thursday, glorious Thursday, the sun got all the way up to 79°. When I left my house yesterday morning, I put on a tiny little dress (mine is old and sold out, new season one is linked) and a cardigan just to cover my bases, but within five minutes of walking the Bug to daycare the cardigan was off and I was soaking up 65° sunshine. I met two friends for a boozy birthday lunch on a fabulous terrace next to Oosterpark. When we were seated at our table, my friend Jodi laughed as she offered me the seat directly in the sunbeam.
I know it’s bad for me, but I love that first couple of days when you actually feel like you’ve been in the sun after such a long, cold great winter. As we drank not one, but two bottles of wine at our fabulous midday lunch, I felt my legs getting sweaty, sticking to the chair and the sun burning slightly into my skin. And yes, even as I write this I use the word burning, knowing that when something is burning it is not a good thing. Can’t you feel it though, if you close your eyes? The way your skin prickles and you subconsciously turn your face upwards, a flower searching for life, wanting to photosynthesize, to grow taller, stronger, upwards and onwards?
Keep thinking about it: you stand up and you feel slightly sticky, skin taut and stretched a little bit thin, your hair is sweaty and you pull it back in a low bun and your sunglasses keep sliding down your nose. You stroll down the street in your short little dress, relishing the air moving through your legs and down your back, cooling off as you head for home. Maybe you stop and get a scoop of ice cream (I’ll have mint chocolate chip, thanks). Each bite feels extra cold on your slightly chapped lips.
Open your eyes and tell me that isn’t just delicious.
I got back to my house and took a very hot shower, scraping all of the sweat off. When I got out, I was definitely redder than when I got in, now a glowing tomato cooked by the steam. Slathered in lotion, I chugged two bottles of water and relished in the slight sting on my shoulder as Dylan made us smashburgers and the Bug inhaled leftover burrito beans.
I’ll be good for the rest of the summer. Doing hot yoga this morning slightly sunburned was painful. My friends lectured me. I’m wearing a long sleeve button down today, shoulders covered, aloe on.
Now that I have been bad, I will behave. I promise I really will.
But god, was it good.
What I’m Reading
A Separation was beautifully written, and I loved that it was around 200 pages! A juicy look at a marriage gone wrong at an inopportune time.
Precipice, a historical fiction novel based on a fabulous affair between the British PM at the start of WWI and a 26 year old society lady, was not as juicy as the premise promised.
On Substack, I loved
‘s piece on “Fun Mom Season” was delightful and a perfect way to describe how I’m parenting right now! Also, ’s list of ways to help a postpartum mom that she actually wants is a good reminder as I have some pregnant friends.
What I’m Watching
We finally watched Conclave last night! Randomly, the book it’s based on was written by the same guy as the novel Precipice I just finished. This movie was excellent, I was on the edge of my seat at the end - don’t look up spoilers for it, I was delighted by the ending and so surprised.
What I’m Loving
I had so many nice notes about the mom date, which went super well! Second date coming up next week so fingers crossed it gets serious soon!!
Dylan’s made me a margarita multiple times this week as we’ve been getting into taco season. I made a fresh mango pico that was to die for.
Amsterdam is entering the part of the year that makes you want to live here forever! This is what the light in my bedroom looks like at 9 pm! Summer is coming!
I love that first sunburn and so does my 16 year old daughter!!!!
There’s nothing like that sun-kissed feeling! Spring is here! Thank you for including me, and I was *just* looking for a new book — A Separation sounds perfect. 🙏🏻